dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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