just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
