I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she looked like the before picture.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
