Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
