Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
