hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
