it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
