I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
