Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
