Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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