I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
