So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
