I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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