Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
