You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
