Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize