It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
