Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
