His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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