can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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