at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize