So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
