forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
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