he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
