I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
