I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
