Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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