Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
