his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
