This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
