I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
