I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
