Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
