some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
