The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I looked at my own cervix.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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