gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize