new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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