he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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