I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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