Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
