You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
