The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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