We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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