Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
