dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Randomize
