who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
