Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize