What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
do herpes really smell.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
