Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
