Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
