i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
