I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
