The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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