He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
