escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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