Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
