Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize