Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I can't trust your balls anymore.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
