My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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