Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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