She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
