do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
