i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Randomize
