u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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