My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize