Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize