Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize