Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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