I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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