apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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