i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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