the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
