I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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