This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
