Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
should my penis look like a turkey
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
