She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
