captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
