Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
