woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
