this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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