I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
