Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Randomize
