No, drunk sperm still make babies.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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