I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
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