The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
