I feel great
I just peed on a car
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
We need to rekindle our bromance
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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