Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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