You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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