Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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