i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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