O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
