I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
