I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
