no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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