so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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