The best revenge is premature balding
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize