Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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