i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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