The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
