Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize