Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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