I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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