wanna go halves on a baby?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
