Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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