Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
